I Feel the Need: Crisis v. Sojourn? (Possibly)

How did I get here?

What I mean is, how did I get to where I am now? To this very point in my life? How did I come to be a wife and mother and payroll administrator?

It's been a long journey and it seems even longer looking backwards. Mundane times. Happy times. Family times. Solo times. Work. Play. A few regrets. Typical.

All in all, not much to complain about. Sure, I dream of a nicer house, better furniture, a maid and of course, a Mercedes with creamy white leather seats. But, oh well. What are you gonna do? Maybe someday.

At this point in my life I have gotten myself into a groove. A funk. Living for the kids, going to work, laundry. I know there has got to be more out there. My boss answers his own question every Monday morning now. To me: "Do anything fun over the weekend? . . . Laundry, right?" He knows before I even say it out loud.


You're sensing a little frustration, aren't you?

It's not that I'm not in a 'happy place'. I just feel I could be happi-er.

This is where a magazine and my oldest daughter come in to play.

An article that I read in a parenting magazine, well, I can't say it sparked my interest, but I continued to think about it long after I had put the issue down. It was a short article on ways to make money at home. One of the suggestions was (uh-huh) blogging. So now I spend a lot of my spare (ahem) time scouring the blogosphere for ideas on everything from topics, to designs, to 'monetizing'. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

And my oldest daughter: beautiful, sweet (most of the time) and extremely driven and smart. In this particular case, she's the one that leads the proverbial horse to water! That's right. College Night. We visited at least half of the tables in the room. I was hot, tired, cranky, urging my daughter to hurry up but ask a lot of questions (and grab all of the free pens)! Then... the crowd started to thin and I was waiting (impatiently) by my daugher's side while she was talking with Katherine from SuchnSuch University about the accounting programs and the optional photography minor and the online courses, when all of a sudden, Katherine turned to me and asked me if I would like information on any of their courses.

Oh, what a new and wonderful world had just opened up before my eyes! I was swiftly evolving from overheated, unwilling, foot-tapping mom into an excited, goofy and giggling institutional (the scholarly type) enthusiast while this mere recruiter became my best friend and talked with me as though we had grown up together. She knew every answer to every question I asked. It was like the clouds parted and I had been sent my very own fairy college-mother!

My husband, daughter and I talked a lot on the way home. I had to put some effort into keeping the questions directed at my daughter. I couldn't let them think that I was seriously considering going back to college. It was kind of like my own dirtly little secret. I started checking out different college sites online and completed my FAFSA. I thought about what I would like to major in and at first was going along the predictable path my life had taken. "Well, gee! I'm a payroll-administrator-slash-human-resources-assistant. I could further my education in that field." Mmmm, yeah, maybe not. My mind went down this route for quite some time before I finally became conscious of what I was really doing.

I figure that if I'm going to be putting a colossal amount of my truly uncommon time and energy into a journey this extensive, I suppose that I should actually be doing something I have wanted to do for a very, very long time.

I have waivered over the above statement. Should I really take that chance? Should I go for something more stable? Accounting maybe? Human Resource Professional?

You might call this a junction in my life, or a cross-roads, or a bridge. I choose to call this event a divided highway. I will still be going in the same direction with my family, work, and yes, laundry. But I will also be moving forward on my new journey.

My trip starts now. I will look out the windows and enjoy the scenery and I vow to stop to ask for directions if needed. Wish me luck because here I go. Towards a goal that is all mine.

Mine. For me, of me and by me.

And maybe I'll send you all a postcard!